Yesterday was a tough diet day for me. I was hungry and craving food all day long. Even right after I’d eaten! I ate my breakfast, 2 coffees, lunch, a snack, another snack, a seltzer with vanilla stevia (tastes like cream soda!), and my dinner, and still I was immediately hungry after dinner. I didn’t cheat though, except for having at least 3 times as much milk as I was supposed to. This morning I was up a pound on the scale. Today I am also really hungry. Actually, I don’t know if it’s hunger per se, but I can’t stop thinking about food. All I can think about is chocolate, so I’m chalking the whole thing up to getting my period soon.
I ended up having a spontaneous date with E last night. We’re supposed to go on this motorcycle ride tomorrow. But I was pretty nervous, because the destination is far, and what if I hate being on the bike and then I’m forced to ride that extra half hour home? (Not to mention, what if I don’t like HIM and I’m stuck so far away from home?) So he suggested going for a ride last night, just to see if I like it.
Despite the fact that it was freezing, I did enjoy the ride. But it was sooooo freaking cold. After 5 minutes I told him I’d had enough, so we ended up going to a bar, where I drank 2 cups of coffee (hence the extra milk).
I really don’t know how I feel about him. I look at him and think he’s kind of cute. And he seems smart and funny, he has goals, etc. But I can’t tell if I’m into him. My friend says that it’s because I don’t know him, and if you don’t know someone then how can you tell if you like them? It made me realize just how FORCED this whole online dating thing is. In 99% of my past relationships I knew the guy to some extent, and a relationship developed at least somewhat organically. But now I’m supposed to decide if I want to pursue something after two 2-hour dates? It doesn’t make sense.
I ended up kissing him on the lips goodbye, but does that mean that tomorrow I have to make out with him? I know that technically the answer is “only if I want to,” but is there some sort of built-in implication that since we are in a dating situation things need to go a little farther each time? Or at least as far? I’d like to get to know him on a friendship level to see if I actually like him, but how can I do that when he is constantly calling me beautiful and saying things that put us on a “sexual” level?
I guess there’s really no point in worrying about it. I’ll just see how I feel about things tomorrow as they unfold.