Frustrated on all fronts

Yesterday was a tough diet day for me. I was hungry and craving food all day long. Even right after I’d eaten! I ate my breakfast, 2 coffees, lunch, a snack, another snack, a seltzer with vanilla stevia (tastes like cream soda!), and my dinner, and still I was immediately hungry after dinner. I didn’t cheat though, except for having at least 3 times as much milk as I was supposed to. This morning I was up a pound on the scale. Today I am also really hungry. Actually, I don’t know if it’s hunger per se, but I can’t stop thinking about food. All I can think about is chocolate, so I’m chalking the whole thing up to getting my period soon.

I ended up having a spontaneous date with E last night. We’re supposed to go on this motorcycle ride tomorrow. But I was pretty nervous, because the destination is far, and what if I hate being on the bike and then I’m forced to ride that extra half hour home? (Not to mention, what if I don’t like HIM and I’m stuck so far away from home?) So he suggested going for a ride last night, just to see if I like it.

Despite the fact that it was freezing, I did enjoy the ride. But it was sooooo freaking cold. After 5 minutes I told him I’d had enough, so we ended up going to a bar, where I drank 2 cups of coffee (hence the extra milk).

I really don’t know how I feel about him. I look at him and think he’s kind of cute. And he seems smart and funny, he has goals, etc. But I can’t tell if I’m into him. My friend says that it’s because I don’t know him, and if you don’t know someone then how can you tell if you like them? It made me realize just how FORCED this whole online dating thing is. In 99% of my past relationships I knew the guy to some extent, and a relationship developed at least somewhat organically. But now I’m supposed to decide if I want to pursue something after two 2-hour dates? It doesn’t make sense.

I ended up kissing him on the lips goodbye, but does that mean that tomorrow I have to make out with him? I know that technically the answer is “only if I want to,” but is there some sort of built-in implication that since we are in a dating situation things need to go a little farther each time? Or at least as far? I’d like to get to know him on a friendship level to see if I actually like him, but how can I do that when he is constantly calling me beautiful and saying things that put us on a “sexual” level?

I guess there’s really no point in worrying about it. I’ll just see how I feel about things tomorrow as they unfold.



About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
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5 Responses to Frustrated on all fronts

  1. amelia says:

    don’t forget to wear a helmet!

    and no, you don’t have to make out with him. you don’t even have to kiss him on the cheek. you’re an independent lady who can make any decision she so pleases.

    have fun!

  2. Tony Bird says:

    Best to be honest. If you’re not comfortable, then let things happen on your own time. If you’re nervous the whole time, you’re not going to enjoy the date, and you may not feel like giving more affection, even if you would have otherwise.
    There’s my unasked for advice. 🙂 Best of luck.

  3. emarie24 says:

    I get you 100%. I had met a guy and started dating him pretty much immediately. There was no friend time, but it was really much like my online dating experience. He always asked if I was into him, and I had explained that I wanted to take things slow and get to know him before I made any decisions, so to just relax. He’d say okay, but then text me after hanging out the next time to tell me he couldn’t read me. Or you know, maybe it really is that we’re just not that into them, and if we were, we wouldn’t need that time. But this speed dating is all so new to me. All my relationships have happened so naturally that this dating seems so forced… Ahhh, I don’t know!

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