Ughhhh I was such a fat pig this weekend.
My backslide started on Thursday. All day I was soooo hungry. This was a new experience for me on the drops. Last time, I would only get hungry if I hadn’t eaten in awhile. Like a normal person. But on Thursday I’d eat my meals and then still be hungry right after. Even worse, I found myself thinking about food all day. I chalked it up to my hormones.
On Friday I wasn’t QUITE as food obsessed, but I was still very hungry. Since I had my date with the Rocker that night, I made a point to eat a meal of cottage cheese and cucumbers before I left work, so I wouldn’t be hungry later. Well, that didn’t work out. Unfortunately the table we ended up sitting at was RIGHT next to the kitchen, and the smell in the air was amazing. So I ended up eating half an order of fried pickles. Which, calorie-wise, wasn’t that bad, but they’re breaded and fried and of course are a no-no. And they came with dipping sauce. I also had two vodka and club sodas. When I got home I was still hungry, and since I had already “ruined” my diet for the day I said fuck it, and ate two pieces of HCG Chocolate Delight and two big spoonfuls of peanut butter. So I didn’t go off the rails completely (I was tempted to get a Big Mac and might have done so if I hadn’t really needed to get home and pee), but none of that food is allowed until the maintenance phase.
Saturday…now that was a shit show. It was my motorcycle date day with E. The plan was to ride over to City Island and get some seafood. I had picked the cuisine, figuring that I would be fine ordering a dozen raw clams. Earlier in the week my mom and I had made some sugar-free ketchup, so I added some horseradish and BOOM, I had cocktail sauce. I was really looking forward to my meal. Oh, and my date.
The date itself was ideal. The weather was beautiful, and the ride up to City Island, which is about 20 minutes, was so much fun and was only scary for about 3 of those 20 minutes. We ate at a place with outdoor seating, and it was a perfect setting, overlooking the water. Diet cheat #1 – in addition to the dozen large clams I ate, I also scarfed down about a quarter of his fried calamari and – yum – tartar sauce. After we ate we went for a short walk towards the beach, then sat on a rock looking at the water and talked some more. I did make out with him at that point. After that, we walked back to the bike, then decided to stop for…ice cream. I mean, wtf is wrong with me? I really just didn’t give a fuck, as soon as I saw Baskin Robbins I knew I was having ice cream. It. was. so. good. What’s that? Did I get the small? Lol I think you already know the answer to that.
Oh, did I mention that E is a smoker? So in addition to the food, I also had three cigarettes while I was with him. And the Rocker smoked as well, and I had two cigarettes with him on Friday. Great!
After ice cream we headed back home. I think he could see that I was not pleased that I had gone off my diet, because he said that on our next date we could just go to a movie and avoid food and drink places altogether. Oh, wait, actually, he said that because I said that between the food and the cigarettes he was such a bad influence on me that I was going to have to hibernate for the next 12 days until my diet is over.
I was definitely more comfortable with him on this date than the last. But I still don’t know how I feel about him. Even after the makeout, I’m still not sure if I’m attracted or if he’s my type. One thing is that he’s
kind of going bald. No biggie, but I find that guys who are going bald look best when they keep their remaining hair EXTREMELY short, so it’s not as noticeable. He really needs a haircut. And he could use a shave. I think I’m not really into scruffy looking guys. But maybe I’m nitpicking. Nevertheless, I’ll see him again.
Back to my diet relapse…over the rest of the day I had SIX chocolate delights (each one is 114 calories), as well as some spinach dip with melba toast…that is, half a big jar of dip and 12 pieces of melba toast. For dinner that night I had a healthy meal of chicken and cabbage, but in an effort to feel full I also had a pack of Miracle Noodles, which isn’t allowed. By the time I went to bed that night I looked like I had a baby bump.
The result of my binge? I was up 2 pounds when I weighed myself on Sunday morning. After a night of food nightmares (no joke, my dreams were like Audrey’s dream scene in European Vacation) and the harsh reality of putting Saturday’s binge into my food tracker, I gave myself a stern talking-to: “You fucked up. Big time. But it’s not the end of the world. You just need to get your shit back on track starting right now.” And I did. Sunday and Monday I didn’t go off the diet at all. On Monday morning my weight didn’t change, and this morning I was down a pound.
On Sunday I told E via text that I am laying down the law and he can’t bring cigarettes on our dates anymore. Despite my setbacks this weekend, my goal is to live a healthy lifestyle. And I can’t be with someone who is going to derail that, even if all he’s doing is being himself. I gotta do me.