I feel like E has been coming on wayyy too strong, and it has been a total turn off. But I wonder if it’s only a turn off because I don’t really like him?
I was feeling this way about him even before our motorcycle date. Here is our text conversation from last Friday. Keep in mind, we’d had our first date on Tuesday, our impromptu bike ride on Thursday night, and we had plans to hang on Saturday afternoon.
Him: If you ain’t busy with your friends tonight, maybe we could do something chill again in the evening.
I guess there’s really nothing wrong there, although I think there is something to be said for being at least a little bit unavailable, to make it seem like you’ve got stuff going on. But if I really liked him I would probably have been SO EXCITED that he already wanted to hang out again. I told him I couldn’t (I had my date with the Rocker that night).
Him: I have some friends who will be doing something local tomorrow night, if you’re interested.
In my head I was like “Really? We already have plans for tomorrow afternoon, and you’re asking me to hang out tomorrow night as well? And you already want to introduce friends into the mix?” He just seemed too eager. I asked what they were doing, and he said drinking at a friend’s and then going to a local bar for St. Patty’s day. I said thanks but no, there would be too much temptation for me to get drunk and I’m trying to follow this diet.
Here’s the rest of our conversation:
Him: 😦 you can just crack up at our stupidity! Plus I’ll loosen up a bit.
Him: Regardless I dig hanging with you and getting to know you, though I’m never sure what you’re thinking. 😉
Him: What do you do when you go out with your friends?
Him: We could do hookah or Karaoke or dancing. Just you and me! You’re way cooler than them anyway!
Me: You seem pretty loose already lol. I’m not going out tomorrow night at all, because I’m going to NJ early Sunday morning.
Me: Lol you’ve seen how shy I am, do you actually think I would do karaoke? 🙂
Him: Ha. Excellent point. I’m always amazed by beauties like yourself being shy! It’s so odd to me. You should be running shit girl!
Him: We still on for the day?
Me: Lol thank you. Yup.
Him: I’ll help you run shit beautiful!
Him: I want to dance with you. It’ll be the one not-shy thing I’ll see from you! 😉
Me: Lol this convo is too much for me right now.
Him: Alright. I’ll wait till I’m in front of you to talk this way.
Him: Your hotness is making me smoke more. Damn you woman! 😉
I’m really bad at accepting complements, and after soooo many, both on our dates and in our texts, it was getting overwhelming and annoying! And that line “I’ll help you run shit beautiful”..? It just seemed so corny! I rolled my eyes so hard at that. The dancing thing wasn’t totally out of left field, since I had mentioned that I like to dance on our impromptu date, but I think that some things just shouldn’t be said in text. Overall, it was just a case of too much, too soon. We’d only gone out twice!
So yeah, after that text I didn’t reply for the rest of the day. I was turned off, but my friend convinced me that I was overreacting. I still planned to see him the next day for our motorcycle ride. That date went well, and I think that I managed to express that I wasn’t too comfortable with all the complements.
This week I was a bit distant. For one, I was sick. Sneezing, coughing, sore throat, etc. So even if I had wanted to go out, I wouldn’t have. Two – I was so disgusted by my diet relapse over the weekend that all I wanted to do during this week after work was go to the gym and go home. (It worked – I’m down to 135.5, which is lower than my pre-weekend-binge weight.) On Tuesday he asked me if I wanted to see a movie or go to a hookah place.
Me: Theoretically I want to do both of those things, but I’m not sure about doing it during the week.
Him: K. Maybe later in the week I can screw up your schedule again! 😉
Me: Lol I’m more worried about screwing up the diet!
Him: You know kisses won’t screw up your diet! Just saying.
Him: It can actually be considered a form of exercise!
It’s funny, because when I read the text conversations we’ve had since our motorcycle date they actually don’t seem that bad. But as the conversations were occurring I felt such anxiety! And that kissing comment? It’s like Dude, we’ve kissed ONCE, calm the fuck down! I think that what it comes down to is that for me, he is acting overly familiar, while I generally take a long time to open up to someone. I could envision having that conversation with someone, but not after only a WEEK of knowing them.
I do think that that if he and I worked together or were in some situation where I got to know him over time then I probably would like him, think he’s cute, funny, develop a crush, whatever. But in this type of dating situation it’s just not working for me. (Also, this is the first time I’ve ever dated someone and NOT had some drinks to loosen up. Maybe that’s what was missing.)
Last night he kinda called me out.
Him: Still dig me?
Me: More or less lol
Him: I figured. I figure you can take me or leave me at this point.
Him: Checking your options and hoping I ain’t it! 😉
Him: Don’t worry you have tons more options.
Me: Lol it’s not exactly like that
Him: I’m sure you’re too shy to notice – perhaps.
Him: Well, I don’t want to be constantly bother you, so perhaps you should let me know when you would like to hang out again.
Me: I will.
I started to text him various explanations, like “I have fun but I want to take things slowly” or “I like you but you’re being too pushy” or “I’m sick this week but let’s hang next week,” but realized that I don’t owe him any explanations. So where we are right now is actually perfect – if I want to pursue something I can just text him, but if not then I don’t feel bad.