How much is too much?

No, I’m not talking about losing weight. Nor am I talking about drinking on the first date. After what was a pretty fun and somewhat scandalous Saturday night, I find myself wondering, when it comes to blogging and revealing personal details about your life, how much is too much?

I had a feeling that Saturday night was going to be good. I got a Facebook invite for a birthday gathering for this girl from junior high school. I haven’t seen her in 2 or 3 years, since our last Facebook jhs reunion, but for the past month or two we’d been talking about meeting up. The party was being held at a nearby neighborhood hotspot that I’ve been wanting to check out, and another old jhs friend that I haven’t seen in ages was going. All of these things prompted me to say “yes” to the invite, which is something I rarely do.

Who knew that I would be recovering from a hangover on Saturday? Not I. Come Saturday night, I did NOT want to go. I was tempted to stay home, but I had already commented just two days before about how excited I was, and I felt it would be messed up if I didn’t go. So I forced myself to get dressed, put on makeup, and go.

Once I got there I was definitely out of my comfort zone. Aside from my two jhs friends and the birthday girl, I didn’t know anyone else. I immediately got myself a drink (vodka and club soda – $12 ). It was a Puerto Rican club, meaning that more than half the time they were playing merengue, salsa and bacchata. Which I can dance to, but it’s kind of intimidating when everyone around REALLY knows how to dance. Plus you need a partner for those dances, and I didn’t know any guys there. When the American music came on I was bopping away, but when the spanish music came on I would become more than a little awkward.

It was still early when my two jhs friends left. So now it’s just me, the birthday girl, and bunch of her friends, all of whom were friends with each other and none of whom I knew. I was definitely the odd man out. I thought about leaving, but instead bought myself a Bud Lite. The beer gave me a little buzz. I went back over to the group and just started dancing with the bunch of them. But then the spanish music came on again, so I pulled back from the dance floor and just stood by myself, watching.

Then the birthday girl’s guy friend, H, started talking to me.

Earlier in the night, H had asked me if I knew where the birthday girl was. I said no, and that was the end of it. He was cute, fit, and, from observing his interactions with the rest of the group, definitely an outgoing and energetic type of personality. I had been watching him the whole time I was there, and continued to do so after our brief conversation, but he didn’t really seem to be interested, because I never caught him looking at me.

So now H comes up to me and asks me my name. I tell him, and he introduces himself. The conversation continued:

H: Are you having a good time?
Me: Yeah, kind of.
H: Just kind of? Why just kind of?
Me: Well I don’t really know anybody here, can’t really dance, you know…
Him: Well now you know me! Wanna dance?

And thus began an amazing night. The details of which will NOT be forthcoming.

I find myself in a familiar and unpleasant place with this blog. How much should I reveal?

It’s familiar because I struggled with this same issue wayyyy back in the day, when I used to blog. I wasn’t anonymous, and I ended up suffering the consequences when people would get mad about what I wrote. I eventually closed that site and started an anonymous blog, in which I revealed EVERY detail of my life. It was more fulfilling, certainly, but even that didn’t last, once I told my ex about it and he opened his big mouth about it to his boss.

Regardless of the past, the fact is that this blog, notchangingmyname.com, is NOT anonymous. My picture and my identity are pretty much out there. Writing about my diet, weight loss, and food and recipes has been fun and harmless. But blogging about my okcupid dates? Fun, yes, but I’m still not sure what the consequences will be. I have told many of my “real-life” friends about my blog. Obviously I’m revealing a lot about myself, but I would reveal all of these details and more to them, so it’s not a big deal there. And I don’t really care about the judgements of strangers. But I still wonder what the impact of this blog will be.

For example, let’s say I continue to see H. I have already told him about the blog, and I assume at some point he will ask me for the name of the site. Will he read about my date with Jay the night before I met him and think less of me? Or let’s say I get in a relationship with Jay, eventually tell him about my blog, and then HE sees that I hooked up with someone else the night after I met him. I know I’m not doing anything wrong, but still, I doubt that either scenario would have a good outcome.

And that’s just questioning how it will affect me. What if I blog about H, and then at some point tell the birthday girl about my blog, and then she reads the details of my time with H? It’s one thing to put my own life out there. That’s my choice. But to put the details of H’s life out there, in a situation where he can clearly be identified? That wouldn’t be fair.

For a while I debated over whether I should even blog about H at all. But what would the consequences of that be? Here I am, blogging about being single, meeting men, dating, etc. How can I leave out a story that is so relevant to what I’m writing about and yet claim to have an honest blog?

With all of that said, I think I’ve done a decent job at giving you, my readers, some insight into what happened on Saturday night without “violating” anyone’s right to keep their private life private. I met a guy, I dug him, and we’ll see what happens.

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About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dating, Personal, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to How much is too much?

  1. glutenvygirl says:

    Wow. You make some excellent points. I have zero advice. I do find it very interesting how you write out your internal turmoil and dialogue though!
    I’m sure it is hard to do this. To post publicly and honestly and courageously about your thoughts and feelings and opinions and experiences – and then open it up to someone you really know who might not react well to what they read. Quite a quandary.

    It’s like having your diary out for anyone to read. On one hand, accepting the real you honestly and truly means accepting all of you. And any guy you shared this with has the choice how to take it. On the other, some things could potentially really hurt him.

    So. No advice from me. Just empathy! šŸ™‚

  2. Hmmm… I guess it depends on how comfortable you feel with posting everything on here and who will see it. What are the chances of the someone don’t want to see it seeing it, and then do the chances outweigh your desire to post it anyway? You seem super smart and savvy! I’m sure you’ll figure out what works for you.

  3. I think that was insightful enough, you don’t have to give ALL the information, just the things you’re comfortable enough to share. I don’t want to hear about bowel movements or family arguments or anything like that, lol.

    My blog is semi anonymous, mostly because I’m not too comfortable with close friends or family knowing about it, weird I know, but it’s easier to do this with people I don’t know, than the ones that do, and have judged me harshly in the past.

  4. crimeangurl says:

    I have a different blog on a journaling website, which seems to offer the best solution for the concernes you’ve mentioned. Basically, it gives one an opportunity to modify viewing permissions so that different groups of subscribers have access to different content. Most of my family and friends know about the blog, so I usually restrict access to posts I don’t want them to see, allowing only my virtual friends, who have been pre-approved by me, to still read them. Of course, these perks come with some drawbacks, such as not having any flexibility with the design and a bunch of ads I have no control of.

    • Ohh that’s kind of like Facebook, where you can control who can see what. That’s not a bad idea, but now that I’m set up here I’m not moving! I’ll just deal with any consequences if they arise.

      Thanks for commenting!

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