I had a really lame OkCupid date last night

Last night I met up with this guy I first started talking to during my OkCupid spree from a few weeks ago. Like Jay, we had been talking, then stopped, then started up again. Last week we finally made plans to meet up.

We agreed to meet at this bar close to my house around 9:30. As I was looking for parking he texted me that he was also looking for parking. So now, as I was driving around I was also looking around to see if I saw him. A few minutes later I saw a guy wearing a short sleeve plaid button down shirt getting out of a car, and I knew that it was him, because he wore the same shirt in one of his profile pictures. After circling the block again I ended up getting a spot on the same block he did. This is relevant because of what happened later.

When I walked in he was already drinking a beer, so I ordered a vodka and club soda. I was not attracted to him, although he wasn’t bad looking. The conversation flowed pretty well, he was nice, funny, etc. I wasn’t in love or anything, but I was having a decent time.

Until the end of the night.

I was getting pretty tired, so around 11:45 I said  I was gonna have to call it a night. I slowly started getting my things together, getting up, putting on my coat, etc., but he didn’t make a move as far as getting up OR attempting to pay for the drinks (after my first drink I’d had 2 more club sodas, no vodka. He only had the one beer). I took a $10 bill out and put it on the bar to pay for my drinks. Then he got up and was standing there ready to leave, but still wasn’t putting any money on the table for his beer. I was kind of confused at this point, so I asked him “Did you already pay?” He said “Yes,” so I said “Oh, okay, thanks” and I took my money back off the table. I started buttoning up my coat and the bartender came over to say goodnight and thanks for coming, and then she looked at him and said something like  “Who’s going to pay for her drink?” He asked her how much it was and she said “$8.” He started making a motion of reaching in his pocket, but I still had the $10 in my hand, so I threw it on the bar. He said “I got it.” I said “No, I got it. I just thought you had already paid.” He said “I thought you were asking me if I had paid for MY drink.” Really??

We walked outside. It was pretty cold and I was annoyed by what had just happened. I started walking, then stopped and asked him where his car was parked. “That way,” he said, pointing to the OPPOSITE direction of where I had seen him park his car earlier! “Okay, well I’m this way,” I said. I gave him a kiss on the cheek. He started to say “Well it was nice meeting you,” but I cut him off mid-sentence with a loud “BYE!” and turned and walked away. When I passed by his parking spot a few minutes later his car was empty, so either he went back in the bar after I left or he went somewhere else. About 30 minutes later he called me, but I think it was a genuine pocket dial because the voice mail is 20 seconds of whooshing and then him going “Hello? Hello?” and then hanging up.

Am I crazy to think that he should have paid for my drink? It just seems like common courtesy, even if there is no “love connection,” for the guy to pay for the drink. And when the hell did he pay for his drink? Before I got there? While I was in the bathroom? The whole thing just seemed really tacky to me. Total turn off.


About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
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21 Responses to I had a really lame OkCupid date last night

  1. crimeangurl says:

    I would expect the guy to pay, especially if he was the one who initiated the meeting. There are, of course, many rather vehement discussions on this topic on the internet, with guys complaining about their hard lot of picking up the bill all the time.

  2. Keith P says:

    This is the kind of that that can be avoided if it is discussed beforehand… HOWEVER, I think it was boorish behavior on his part by not assuming he’d be picking up the bill (I mean, geez… 8 bucks? You’re a cheap date!). He further was an idiot with the loud ‘Bye’ thing… that’s just stupid.

    • Actually, I was the one who said the loud “bye”, but I think he deserved a little bit of attitude! (Plus, I gave him a kiss on the cheek, so it’s not like I was a total B.)

      • Keith P says:

        He he he… sorry, I misread that. Really, the whole drink thing was pretty silly though (on his part), plus the oddness and lying… yeah, always a good way to start a relationship, eh? Best foot forward and all that?

  3. bettiebelle says:

    That is the kind of behaviour that would totally turn me off! If a guy asks you out for a drink, in my mind, it’s a given that he’ll pay, but perhaps I’m old-fashioned? Anyhow, you shouldn’t lose any sleep over it – on to the next!

  4. asianbadass says:

    I always thought of a gentleman paying for drinks or dinner as a standard fee. It shows appreciation to your date regardless of the outcome. And it certainly stands to be better behavior than not. Besides if all aspects of a personality are hovering at a lukewarm level, there’s always the fact that he behaves like a gentleman. This guy seems to be a bit of a douche. Either that or just needs to be schooled in dating etiquette and protocol.

  5. jamierboyle says:

    HE definitely should have paid. Regardless of the situation, it’s the “Traditional” thing to do. And it was only $8. If he couldn’t have afforded it, then he shoudln’t have gone out in my opinion. You seemed to keep calm pretty well. I’m sure he wouldn’t have been thrown a a nasty look or two. Seriosuly, the nerve that some people have just with common courtesy and etiquette.

  6. I wouldn’t expect him to pay, it might be a little too old fashioned. In my humble opinion. Especially in a meet up kind of situation. If he was taking you out on a full blown real date that he planned, then sure he should pay.

  7. emarie24 says:

    I posed the same question when my OKC date didn’t pay, and a guy argued about how if women bitch about equality then we should be just as quick to pick up the tab or go Dutch. Whatever. If the man doesn’t pay, there’s no date number two. I want a man that will take care of me in the future because he’s the MAN (I don’t need equality if it means chivalry is dead) and if he doesn’t pay on the first date, is he going to take out my trash and kill the spiders?!

    • Yeah I remember that. And what’s crazy is that at that point he didn’t even know if I’d be down for a second date! I guess he wasn’t really interested and just didn’t give a f.

  8. I don’t think your date should have had to pay, BUT if he did he would have won points and avoided an awkward situation…. so, was it worth it for him to hang on to the 8 bucks? I think not.

    Essential first date tips: How to ruin a first date in 4 easy steps

  9. amelia says:

    ew. drop this turd! you deserve better! ps love the new photo!

  10. Seems a bit lousy to me too.

  11. Yea he’s a loser. He could of told you before you met up that it would be dutch.

  12. Nader says:

    Um, surprise! If this actually played out as you described then you are a bitch as is most everyone who left a comment.

    There was a simple misunderstanding and he offered to pay your bill with no prompting. That makes him a gentleman. Your presumption that he was trying to get away with something, your response to his graceful attempt to smooth things over, your reaction, and your readers’ comments makes you and your readers a bitch.

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