On waking up to not one, but TWO booty call texts

On Sunday morning I woke up to booty call texts from Jay and H. Oh, the consequences of hooking up too soon.

Jay:

According to my friends, Jay and I didn’t actually “hook up,” since all we did was make out and get a little touchy feely. But the point is the same: I got drunk and showed him my “loose” side. Him and I have been texting ever since I sent him that mea culpa text.

Last Saturday

Jay: Send me pics so I don’t have to keep going onto Okc
Me: Lol you could just save the pic to your phone like I did
Jay: Lol…no send me my own
Me: Haha ok, when I get home. You send me my own too!
Jay: Where are you?
Me: Supermarket
Jay: So did u clean ur place for me? (At this point I remembered that he had asked to come over, and I’d said no, my place was a mess)
Me: Haha no. It’s actually twice as messy as it was yesterday.
Jay: I can help you clean
Me: How nice of you
Jay: You can try to clean πŸ™‚
Jay(an hour later): So cuando?
Me: Cuando que?
Jay: Am I coming over?
Me: It’s a little soon for that. Do you have a car?
Jay: No.
Me (an hour later): Where’s my pic?
Me: (I send him a pic) That was last night BEFORE I got white girl wasted.
Jay: More please
Me: (I send him another one)
Jay: More
Me: lol
Me: Your turn.

Sunday night

Jay: More pics please
Me: I don’t have anymore!
Me: And where are the ones you’re supposed to send me? (Honestly, I didn’t even care about getting a pic. I just felt like it should go both ways.)
Jay: Take some for me
Jay: (He sends me a pic)
Me: Cute. I will, tomorrow. How was the rest of your weekend?
Jay: Great. How was Don Coqui?
Me: It was a lot of fun. (Yeah it was – that’s the night I met H!)

At this point I was finding his constant requests for pictures to be very weird. But I gave him the benefit of the doubt, thinking that maybe it was a common aspect of online dating that I just hadn’t encountered yet.

Monday morning

Jay: Where are my pics?
Me: (I send him another)
Me: Curious, how come you keep wanting pics when we’ve already met and you’ve seen me in person?
Jay: Cuz I wanna look at eye candy πŸ™‚
Me: Lol okay that is an acceptable answer. Are we still meeting up tomorrow? (We had originally planned to meet on Tuesday, before our impromptu happy hour meet up)
Jay: Not sure if work will keep me here late.

I didn’t respond. I mean, we’d been talking for three days and yet he still hadn’t made any genuine attempt to actually see me again, other than trying to get me to invite him over. Wtf?

Thursday night

Jay: Hola, how are you?
Me: I’m good, and you?
Jay: Great, thanks. Whatcha up to?
Me: At the moment? Experimenting with making cheesecake muffins.
Jay: Mmmmm I want
Me: Yeah they look pretty good
Jay: Yeah I want one
Me: Blueberry, chocolate or peanut butter?
Jay: Blueberry and You
Me: Lol, which one?
Jay: You

I was annoyed when he said “Blueberry and You.” I mean here we are, just having a normal conversation, and he’s gotta try to make it sexual. It was 10:30 by that point, so I waited until the morning to respond.

Friday

Me: That’s a relief. My self esteem would have suffered if you had picked the muffin. Have a great day.
Jay: You too. But really, where is my muffin?
Me: In the fridge.
Jay: With my name on it?
Me: Haha I make no guarantees
Jay: With my name on it?
Me: Well it’s lasted this far
Jay: Then it will last a little longer.
Jay: Muffins are good make-out food

I was SOOO turned off by that last comment. It was so CORNY! Yeah he’s cute, but any type of swag that he’d built up in my mind was completely erased by that comment. I didn’t respond. A few hours later he asked me what I was up to. I said going to a friend’s, he said he was still at work, and that was it for Friday.

Saturday morning

Jay: How was last night?
Me: It was good, you?
Jay:Β  Great
Jay: Where’s my muffin? (JESUS, enough with the fucking muffins already!)
Me: Lol in my belly. Ate it during my cab ride home. I almost texted you about it but it was pretty late.
Jay: It’s never too late…and it’s in your booty not belly

At that point I remembered him grabbing my butt that night and telling me it was amazing. *Holding my head down in shame lol*

I didn’t respond. You’d think he would notice that when he gets sexual I don’t respond!

Saturday night (booty call time)

Jay: Whatcha up to (10:45 pm)
Jay: ?? (1:30 am)

Sunday

Me: Happy easter! I was sleeping, fell asleep really early. I’m sick.
Jay: Me too. I think I have the flu.
Me: Ugh that sucks
Jay (like 2 hours later): We could be sick together. πŸ™‚
Me: Oh how romantic. But how could you take care of me if you’re sick too?
Jay: By watching you make muffins. It’s very therapeutic…you would feel better at the end.
Me: You would take care of me by watching me cook…lol
Jay: Yes
Jay (like 3 hours later): I need you to take care of me
Me: Oh really
Jay: Really
Jay: What are you doing?
Me: Some work I brought home with me. You?
Jay: Watching tv.

I really don’t get it. We’ve already met, had chemistry, made out, whatever. Instead of all this corny sexual banter, why not just ask me out on a second date so things can progress in a normal way? I’ve decided that I’m done with him. I’ve already wasted a week of my life on him and his stupid texts, that’s enough! But what I haven’t decided, assuming he texts me again, is whether I will ignore him or send him a response like “Hey you seem like a nice guy but I don’t think we’re looking for the same thing. Wish you the best!” We’ll see.

H – refresh your memory here

So that you understand the food references: H is a former fat guy (not huge, but sloppy) who lost about 40 pounds a year ago. Now he works out constantly (he’s ripped), and, like me, he is very much into preparing his own food, healthy meals, no carbs, etc. He even does cooking videos on Youtube. We talked about food, diet, and working out at length. We also talked about mashed cauliflower.

H left my place last Sunday around noon (you can infer what you want from that sentence). Like an hour later I texted him a picture of my pizza with cauliflower crust, saying “Pizza with a cauliflower crust (since you mentioned the mashed cauliflower).” Normally I would NEVER initiate a text conversation after a hook up, but I was kind of digging him and I didn’t want to wait around for him to text me. A few hours later he replied “Wowwwww that looks good.” I didn’t respond, because what was I supposed to say? I’m not big on chit chat. But I did friend request him on Facebook (also something I normally wouldn’t do), and he accepted.

Monday at 11:45

H: Morning…Have a great dayyy πŸ™‚
Me: Thanks and same to you πŸ™‚
H: πŸ˜‰
Me: Btw, I switched to lowfat milk in my coffee this morning. It’s acceptable.
H: Lol. Nice..coconut milk next. πŸ™‚

Again I didn’t respond, because it didn’t seem like there was anything to be said! I don’t want to say things just for the sake of saying them, in the hopes that it will prolong a conversation. But now that I’m rereading and analyzing our texts, I see that there were tons of things I could have said to extend the conversation without appearing too eager. And the fact that he initiated the conversation to begin with means I would have kept the upper hand regardless.

Nonetheless, I was really pleased that he had texted me. Maybe something would come of this.

Sigh…

Nothing did. I didn’t hear from him at all. The thought of ME texting HIM did not occur to me at ALL, although now after rereading our texts I wish I had. I spent the week stalking him on facebook and deciding that it didn’t matter, because I am way too good for him anyway. So there.

I’d pretty much written him off as a fond memory, but then on Sunday morning I woke up to the following messages from him:

H: How u doing? (2:13 am)
H: Heyyy (3:13am)
H: U sleeping? (3:25 am)
H: Happy Easter!!! (9:23am)

I texted him once I woke up:

Me: Wow 4 texts? You must have really wanted to talk to me lol. Yes I was sleeping. Happy Easter to you too πŸ™‚
H: Lol :-p
Me: How’s it going
H: It’s going really good. I made myself a nice breakfast
Me: What did you make?
H: Whole wheat pancakes, egg beaters with onions and peppers, turkey breast and a side of turkey links
Me: Mmm sounds delish
H: It was πŸ™‚

I didn’t respond. Maybe I read too much into things, but I didn’t really feel like he was trying to engage me in a conversation. Like, if he were, wouldn’t he say “So how’s it going?” or “What have you been up to?” or SOMETHING? I think that if a guy is really interested, you know it. But then I think, well, what if he’s playing the same game I am and trying not to appear too interested until he sees a sign from me, and since I’m not giving him any signs that I want to see him again he’s not going to put himself out there? But THEN I think, stop trying to make excuses, he’s just not that into you.

I know I’m in this situation because I put myself here, but waking up to booty call texts DID NOT make me feel good. Obviously. If it had just been from Jay I probably wouldn’t have even noticed, and just chalked it up to “more Jay nonsense.” But with H it made me sad, because aside from the physical and pseudo-emotional connection, I felt like we actually had things in common and I wouldn’t have minded getting to know him. But no, apparently I only cross his mind at 2 in the morning. The only possible good spin I can put on it is that I don’t think he was ACTUALLY looking for a booty call, since he lives about 45 minutes away from me. But I could be wrong. Regardless, it was 2 in the morning, and I’m pretty sure he wasn’t texting to say hi.

I like to think I’m a good catch. I don’t understand why these guys who I am *clearly* better than aren’t trying to date me! Of course, the real question I should be asking is: Why do I continue to move too fast with guys when I know that I am only going to end up getting emotionally attached and hurt? But that’s a post for another day.

I’ve reread this post several times, and now I’m wondering if maybe it’s not too late for me to try to make something happen with H. I’d have to do it today or tomorrow, but I could text him hello and then after some chit chat say “Hey let me know if you’d like to do something sometime! :-)” Or is that me being too…needy? No, needy isn’t the right word. What I mean is, if he wanted to get together sometime, clearly he would have already asked me, right? That’s what my gut tells me. And if he says yes, it might only be because he wants to hook up again. Another option is waiting until the next time he booty call texts me, then saying something like “I wouldn’t have minded hanging out and getting to know you better, but I’m not looking for a sporadic booty call.” Or I could just start with “hey hope you have a great day today” and see what happens.

Decisions, decision.

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About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dating, Personal, Relationships and tagged , , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to On waking up to not one, but TWO booty call texts

  1. heart breaker….((sly grin)) πŸ˜‰

  2. Oh wow, I’m sorry but I just did not make it through that.
    This guy sounded like such a butt after 3 min of reading T.T
    Did you see him again? It sounded like he was just looking for sex (if that’s all you’re looking for it’s all good, no judgement, but your post made it sound like it wasn’t really what you had in mind….)

  3. jamierboyle says:

    Story of my past life! I have had moments and men like J. Texts and calls after midnight generally only mean one thing. And that guy, so persistant on the muffins and pictures. Seriously? He needs to get a life. As for H, I feel you exactly. I may not know the entire background story, but from what I gather and what you’ve posted, it seems like he may have just wanted to talk? Being 45 mins away isn’t necessarily a booty call. Maybe he’s a night owl and was up late, thinking you may have been out and willing to talk. Either way, you’ve got nothing to lose if you wanted to try once more. Send him a text. You never know what could come from it. It may be the push that he needs.

  4. emarie24 says:

    Haha is that the one you were writing about when you commented on mine? I’ve been waiting to read it! I think with H, you should just ask him to get together (like for dinner, not for drinks cause that implies sex) and just don’t sleep with him. If has an interest, maybe it’ll go from there. If after that he’s not inititiating more texting at regular hours, then chalk it up to a loss. J just sounds like a complete idiot. I’d just tell him you’re not interested.

    • Haha well it started out as that post but then got way too long! So I ended up just writing about the guys and have the bit about moving too fast saved as a draft for another post.

      Yeah the more I reread the texts with J, I can’t believe I kept talking to him for as long as I did! Good point about dinner vs. drinks.

  5. crimeangurl says:

    This whole texting game annoys the crap out of me! I don’t have much online dating experience, but whatever I had has died in the texting universe: All few guys I’ve met on dating sites would send me pointless messages for a couple of weeks after our first date and disappear into oblivion without ever asking for a second one. Go figure….

    • Yeah I think texting is bad for dating, because it’s like a lazy, half-assed way to connect but not really connect with someone. And so much gets lost in interpretation! But I definitely prefer it to talking on the phone.

      • crimeangurl says:

        Haha…as much as I despise texting, I also prefer it to a phone conversation – especially, before the first date. In fact, as strange as it may sound, I feel much less weird meeting an online stranger in person than speaking to him on the phone.

  6. Tony Bird says:

    Texting sounds like a chess game. πŸ™‚

  7. Nowan Zen says:

    Ahh, the joys of the innuendo and endless fencing with words. I do agree that he should simply just ask you out again if that’s his intent. The endless request for pics though……seriously? Send him a pic of a penis and watch him explode.

  8. Brownlove says:

    I just have one “simple” (in my mind is simple…possibly) WHY?! In the word do people have to be constantly overthinking this and that! Oh, I don’t want to say this because I don’t want him/her to think this or Oh, I do feel a certain way but I don’t want to come across that way????? Wtf??? Why can’t people just be straight forward with each other a (STRAIGHT) “HEY I AM NOT INTO YOU!” or “HEY I AM INTO YOU HOW ABOUT YOU WOULD YOU LIKE TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP?!” Idk something along those like whether your a guy or girl why does it matter? Just be straight up and forward with your thought and feeling to a joke all this overthinking, second guessing, confusing non-sense! Pick up the phone and talk to the person get the answers right up front! Please reply??

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