Friday’s date was good…so now what?

I had a good time on my date with John on Friday. But now, five days later, I am really annoyed.

But first, Friday. We were supposed to meet right after work at 5:30, but we both ended up having to work late, so we didn’t meet until 7. Which was better, actually, because who wants to eat at 6pm on a Friday? We walked a few blocks over to the restaurant he had picked. Him picking the restaurant was kind of a big deal, because last year when we dated I was usually the one who decided where we were going. Until him I had never been the “dominant” partner in a relationship, and I didn’t really like it.

Our conversation over dinner was easygoing but for the most part very superficial – family, work, upcoming vacations, etc. Still, it was nice to catch up. I really do have a good time when I’m with him. He makes me laugh. By the time dinner was over it was around 9:30. At that point I honestly wasn’t sure if anything was going to happen between us. It was really hard to read him, and I didn’t want to be the one to initiate anything, just in case he wasn’t interested.

I asked him if he wanted to go to a bar, and he said yes. So we walked a few blocks over to a hotel bar. It was a small and intimate setting. Slowly but surely the level of flirting increased, and eventually he made his move and kissed me. The kiss itself was nice…although, at one point I distinctly remember thinking “Wow, I’m not as into this as I should be. Maybe I’m more over him than I thought I was.” But eventually that thought disappeared and I was into it.

After a few minutes of kissing he started hugging me – and that’s when things got confusing. The hug was tender, emotional, and long – at least 2 minutes in each others’ arms, not saying anything, just hugging. As he was hugging me he was stroking my hair, kissing my forehead, etc.Β  To me it wasn’t sexual, it was loving. I really don’t think I imagined that. It was quite unexpected, and as the hug continued I couldn’t help but start wondering, “Okay, what the hell is this about?” But it was comforting at the same time.

At some point afterwards he said to me: “I really missed your little giggle.” THAT pissed me off. Not because I thought it was a cheesy line, but it’s like, you didn’t HAVE to be missing it, you could have had it – and me – the whole time! So why are you here acting like we’re long-lost lovers reunited, when the only reason we’re not together is because of YOU? It was so frustrating. But I didn’t say anything.

The night was over shortly afterwards, because he had to catch the last bus that goes to his neighborhood. We walked together for a few blocks, then he kissed me goodnight and ran off into the night. (He literally ran off – he had to go back to the office first to get his things, and he only had 20 minutes to do so or he’d miss his midnight bus. Like Cinderella.) As per his instructions, I texted him to let him know when I got home. I thanked him again for dinner and told him I had a good time. He responded, it went back and forth for a text or two, and that was it.


If I had written this blog entry immediately after the date, I would have said: “I had a really good time, but I don’t think I feel the same way about John anymore.” That’s exactly what I told my friends when they asked me. And at the time, I meant it. But now it’s Wednesday, five days later, and I still haven’t heard from him. I find myself thinking about him NONSTOP, wondering when he’s going to contact me and why he doesn’t like me as much as I like him. I am extremely annoyed to find myself back in the same obsessive state of mind I was in last year. But it’s even worse this time, because at least back then I knew I liked him. Now I’m going crazy over someone I might not even be interested in anymore!

But maybe I’m only saying I’m not interested because I’m trying to keep my guard up. OR, maybe him being distant and playing hard to get makes me think I want him more than I really do. Maybe that’s always been the reason why I still like him so much – because he’s a challenge. At 33 you’d think I would know myself well enough to know the answer to that, but I don’t.

Regardless, it is apparent that he’s STILL just not that into me. And it’s really not nice of him to initiate this date and the makeout and hug and then just leave me hanging like this. So even though my thoughts are consumed with him, logically I am able to realize that he STILL is not the one for me, and I need to keep it moving.

I am not going to contact him, because I have no desire to fall back into the same situation we were in last year, which emotionally was very unhealthy for me. If he emails me to hang out again, I’m going to say no. I obviously can’t just be friends with him, and he obviously doesn’t want to move forward. So what’s the point?


About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dating, Personal, Relationships and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

13 Responses to Friday’s date was good…so now what?

  1. Jueseppi B. says:

    U are so funny… typed….”I find myself thinking about him NONSTOP, wondering when he’s going to contact me and why he doesn’t like me as much as I like him.”

    This dating game is just that, a game.

    If you want to hear from him, and he has not called you, be adult, stop the game, AND CALL HIM. End of story.

    • No! I don’t wanna! *stomps off*

      But seriously, if I initiate contact first then I end up exactly where I was last year, being the pursuer, and I don’t want that. Especially now that 5 days have passed.

      • Jueseppi B. says:

        Uh huh. My last comment on this is, you need an older man who does not play games, and appreciates a real woman.

      • Tony Bird says:

        I’m going with Jueseppi on this one. The one consistent problem in all of your dating mishaps is a lack of communication while you’re trying to guess how they feel about you or if they want to see you again. Maybe they do, but you make yourself unapproachable by keeping your guard up all the time. If you like him and you want to have a relationship with him, you should tell him. If you don’t want to be the pursuer, then let him know that (keeping in mind, you may have to compromise). If you lay your cards out on the table and be honest, the worst that could happen is he’ll say, “No.” But then at least you’ll know where you stand.

        • Bzzzz, wrong answer Tony! Haha.

          Yes I do need to work on my communication. But not in this situation. His silence has already told me where I stand. I’m not going to set myself up to be rejected by him AGAIN!

  2. David Fair Jr. says:

    Reading this makes me realize how terrible I have become at dating. If I had known so many thoughts about the things you mention were going through girls’ heads, I would have cut all my dates short and leave while I still was on good terms. I find it incredibly difficult to receive the implied directions you were sending. I am no match for the dating world if this is what I am up against.

    • Haha don’t go based off of me, because apparently I’m no good at dating either.

      However, I think it is a universal truth that if you have a good date that ends with a kiss, you shouldn’t let 5 days pass without contact!

      • David Fair Jr. says:

        The same should be said for both people, the kisser & the kiss-ee. These unwritten dating rules seem silly. I believe it is universally unfair to be at fault for not pursuing implied emotions. If a person does not pick up on a sign or a feeling, the other person should let them know. But then again, that would make things too simple and productive towards a potential relationship.

  3. Aurora HSP says:

    Single life… don’t get me started… lol… Okay, I started. I am slightly older than you are but I find it much the same. My old fashioned way of being is not suited to this fast hook-up and dump world where a new candy is just a click away. Communication is an issue, of course, but then there is that age old problem of “walking one’s own talk” … I find too many say they WANT a relationship, WANT a good, loyal woman but move on to those they can bed quick as you please. I always said I was born a hundred years too late and these situations that smack of “games and strategy” make me weary. If I have to have a strategy or a “game,” I don’t WANT him, I’ll stay alone, thanks. Five days is, sadly, a message. If we were really on their minds, they would be letting us know. I read a quote last night that I cannot recall verbatim but it went something like this: Once you find the person you were meant to be with, you will realize all those bad dates were worth it just to find them. I sure as hell hope it’s true. For both of us πŸ™‚

    • I hope it’s true too! And I’m glad that someone agrees with me that five days IS a message (now it’s been almost two weeks and I haven’t heard from him, so I was right).

      Arrrgg, it shouldn’t have to be so complicated!

      • Aurora HSP says:

        Some jackass from months ago just called me like it was yesterday. Guess he’s working his way down the “call” list. I couldn’t remember him and when I finally did remember him, I said, oh yes, I know now, you are Aries, you live on the site and that’s why I dropped off, so why are you calling me now? He says he’d still really like to meet me. Apparently you are still single, I said. You are a genius, he says. I know, I tell him, THAT’S why I dropped off and I’m going out of town so I won’t be available for a while. Okay, he says, whatever, call me when you get back. Now you just KNOW I will jump on that one, LOL LOL LOL So true, it shouldn’t be that complicated but apparently some children posing as men prefer it that way. NOT all of you, before you go ramming at your keyboards but from my three years of single life, a lot more babies out there by far than good, solid men. Sheesh. Starting to see why some choose to play for the other team. Not my speed but who can blame them. Oh dear, I did go on… again… it’s just what I do, lol. Sorry to blog on your blog πŸ™‚

  4. B. says:

    I totally understand your thinking! There’s more of us out there, I promise.

    I just stopped by today so I don’t know the whole history but it sounds like a relationship I was in/am in. Last year, I was actually the one to terminate the relationship because of commitments he couldn’t make. I knew that besides making me not feel important there were a million things that made him wrong for me. He was hurt, and still tried to convince me otherwise but I was firm in my decision. We remained friends and spent time together. A year passes by and I learn that he has lost his feelings and didn’t see any chance with us again. The minute I found out was the minute I went crazy! I knew I didn’t want this person yet I was trying anything possible to persuade them the other way.

    Luckily about a week in, I snapped out of it. All the work I was putting into a game (I can’t help it, I love a good competition) wasn’t worth trying to get out of it again because I shouldn’t have in the first place.

    I’m also a firm believer in cutting people off – at least for a while to get some time without their influence. I hope it works for you!

    • Lol it’s twisted how much more we want them when they don’t want us! *I* want to be the one to do the rejecting! Haha

      In this case, I am definitely cutting “John” off, forever! I’ve had enough of it.

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