Practice what you preach

My number 1 pet peeve of all time, the thing that I absolute HATE when people do to me, is when someone makes plans with me and then cancels at the last minute. I am a firm believer that if you make plans with someone you should keep them. If you don’t, you’re an asshole.

I was 14 the first time it happened to me. I was visiting my friend in Fort Lauderdale. One of my best friends from junior high school, Kim, happened to be in Florida at the same time, and we made plans to meet up one day in Miami. That morning I left the house early with my friend’s mom. The plan was for me to go with her to her office in Miami, meet up with Kim at around 10 and hang out until 5, and then go back to the office to go home with her at 5:30.

Obviously this didn’t happen. That bitch Kim was M.I.A. all day. She didn’t answer any of my calls, and I ended up spending the ENTIRE day sitting in my friend’s mom’s office. Not only was I angry and hurt by Kim’s actions, I was also pretty embarrassed at being treated like this in front of my friend’s mom. I don’t remember the lame excuse Kim gave me when we eventually spoke about it, but later on I heard from a friend that Kim had been swimming in the pool all day crushing on some guy and just didn’t feel like hanging out with me. Our friendship ended that summer.

I was definitely scarred by that. I have had similar situations occur over the years (though nothing quite as dramatic), where someone makes plans and then cancels at the last minute. It sucks when you’re looking forward to something and then it’s yanked away from you at the last second. The only thing worse than the disappointment you feel at being let down by the person is the embarrassment you feel at being “pitied” by anyone who knew that you had plans and were stood up. To this day, I am still reluctant to tell people what my plans are, just in case the person I have plans with flakes and I end up looking stupid.

I managed to go my entire life without doing this to someone…up until two weeks ago.

I had scheduled my second date with Joey. He was going to drive down to my area and we were going to get sushi. Even though I wasn’t sure how I felt about him, I was looking forward to the date and seeing him and figuring it out. After work I came home, took a shower, flat ironed my hair, put on my makeup, and got dressed. I was literally ready to walk out the door when I got the following text from my friend:

Her: Hey love. I know it’s short notice but there is a VIP event at Don Coqui. Open bar. Want to come tonight? Like now? Lol

Did I want to go? Yes, I wanted to go. Really, really badly. But what about Joey?

Initially I told my friend no, I really wanted to but I couldn’t, I had a date and he was probably already on his way. “Come on,” she said “just cancel. Tell him you’re sick or whatever. It’s going to be fun!” Sigh…what to do, what to do…

Okay, I thought to myself, I’ll text him to see if he left yet. If he’s on his way then I’ll just go out with him.

Me: Did you leave yet?
Him: No. Leaving in 5. I’m 5 minutes behind, sorry.

Great, he didn’t leave yet. Deep breath. Am I really going to do this?

Me: Don’t hate me but my friend invited me to be her plus one at a vip thing and I really want to go…!
Me: I know that’s fucked up of me.
Him: All good. Go ahead.
Him: 😦 I got my haircut and everything. Lol
Him: Kidding. Do your thing.
Him: What is it?
Me: Let’s get together Thursday instead? Something at don coqui, vip, open bar, etc.
Him: Yeah, my company invited me to something over there tonight as well.
Him: I just got undressed so have fun tonight. I guess just let me know when you’re free again.
Him: Have fun. I’m busy Thursday as of right now. I’ll let you know if anything changes.

I never heard from him again. Of course I don’t blame him. What I did was really messed up.

I didn’t bother to text him again after that, because let’s be real: if I had really been interested in him then there’s no way I would have canceled. Right? I think so.

When I told my friends this story they were all shocked that I had actually told him the truth. Despite my friend’s suggestion, I had never considered lying to him. But maybe I should have. By being honest I was basically telling him, “Hey, something better came along,” which no one wants to hear.

Anyway, that is the story of how I turned into the thing that I most despise. I ended up having a lot of fun that night at Don Coqui, but I don’t think it was worth me turning into the ultimate hypocrite. Never again.


About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dating, Personal, Relationships and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Practice what you preach

  1. I admire your honesty. I don’t know if I would have had the balls to tell him the truth!

  2. The Lady Boyle says:

    I feel the same way. When I have to change plans, cancel plans or alter anything I feel horrible and I’m overly honest about the situation. I don’t think I could flat out lie to my friends on why I’m cancelling. You did the best thing given the situation. And hey…he didn’t give you a good enough reason to turn it back around and say no to your friend..

  3. On balance it was probably better to tell him the truth and hurt his feelings than lie and deceive him in order to temporarily protect his feelings.

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