Bye bye, New Guy

And just as quickly as it started, it’s over.

From the beginning, New Guy was unlike any other guy I’ve ever dated. He was very expressive, and it was clear that he was looking for a relationship. He seemed to really like me, and I was totally caught off guard. A seemingly nice, funny, and smart guy, who on top of that is attractive – and he wants to be with ME? That’s different.

Our first date was awesome. During the week that followed, we talked and texted every day. We were supposed to meet up for lunch that Thursday, but he couldn’t get out of work, so we just left it for Saturday.

Our second date was good too. We talked a lot that night. He told me about all his past relationships, and why they had ended. He mentioned again that he would like to be exclusive with me, but I said that I felt like I needed to get to know him more first. I did say that I wasn’t seeing anyone else and that I didn’t want to see anyone else. He said the same.

We also talked a lot about my blog. He actually read it for the first time in front of me! It was a bit awkward for me, at first, but he was really cool about it and so I eventually became more comfortable with it. After some discussion about how he felt about me putting so much of my life out there, we came to an understanding that I wasn’t going to write about him. I was fine with that.

It started to go “bad” for me during that third week. The best way for me to describe it is that for the first two weeks I let myself get caught up in a fantasy, and then in the third week I finally came back to reality.

Several things that happened over the third week that made me say to myself, “I need to slow this down.” I won’t go into all of them, but one major one was on Thursday night. I had a dentist appointment after work. We had last texted while I was in the waiting room, which was around 6pm. At 8:40, he texted me the following:

Him: World’s longest dentist appointment

Me: Nah, I’m just here in bed. Pounding headache and my whole mouth is still numb. I’m cranky. 😦 (I had gotten two fillings.)

Him: Why didn’t you hit me up? 😦 I’m sorry you feel like crap, etc etc.

The point I’m trying to illustrate with these texts, I guess, is that he was becoming very, I don’t know, needy? We had just spoken two hours ago! It’s not like we were in a long-term relationship, where constant communication is a normal thing. We were still in the getting-to-know-you stage…and the more I got to know him, the more I could see that we were not a good match.

Despite all that, I still planned to see him one more time, to see how I felt. I mean, I had liked him at one point, so who knew what would happen once I saw him again? We already had plans to hang out on Saturday, so I figured I’d give it one last shot.

But that didn’t happen. On Friday I was so turned off by something he said that I knew it was a wrap.

We hadn’t talked that much on Friday, because I was busy at work and with my new layout. He called me at 6:30, but I was walking down Fifth Avenue towards the bus stop, so I didn’t answer. Instead, I texted him when I got on the bus.

Me: Hey what’s up…on my way to a birthday party right now. How you feeling?

Him: :/

Him: I called you twice.

Me: Yeah I just heard your voicemail.

Him: You never pick up.

Me: I was walking down fifth ave!

Him: Okay.

Me: So how are you feeling?

Him: So so

Him: So you’re going to a party.

Him: Hmm let me find out you’re a party girl. (I had been out late on Wednesday night as well.)

Me: Well it’s drinks for a girl’s birthday. But I do like to go out.

Me: Often.

Him: Hmmm :/

Him: Party girl

Him: Whose birthday is it?

Him: Well have fun ttyl (This was after like 5 minutes)

Me: I don’t like the sound of that “hmmm.” But we’ll talk later. It’s this girl I met through a high school friend. I’ll ttyl.

Him: It wasn’t meant to sound good.

I was soooo annoyed at this point. How the hell did I find myself in the position of having to justify shit to some guy who I only met three weeks ago?? And who the hell is he to question me about how often I go out?? I’ll go out when I want, and with who I want, and I don’t need to explain it to anyone! I’m not looking for anyone’s approval OR disapproval. Keep that shit to yourself, thank you very much.

I ended up having a great night that night. In your face, New Guy! Haha.

When I woke up the next morning I knew that I was going to have to end it. It seemed that New Guy was on his way to becoming a possessive and needy boyfriend. NOT what I’m looking for. In retrospect, the fact that he was trying to wife me up before we had even met should have been a warning. That and many, many other little things that I had either glossed over or just completely ignored when I was all wrapped up in how nice it was to have someone paying such an inordinate amount of attention to me.

On Saturday morning around 10:30 I texted him the following:

Hey…this isn’t gonna work. I was already feeling like things were moving too fast, and after yesterday’s last few texts I can see that we’re not right for each other. Sorry to say it over text but you know I’m awkward as hell over the phone.

I felt bad for doing it over text, but since the majority of our relationship took place over text, it wasn’t totally out of line.

When I got out of the shower at noon, I had the following 12 texts messages (all sent back to back):

Wow umm ok

After yesterday’s text we’re not right for each other lol

Cause I was busting your chops about being a party girl

No doubt

Well you take care, it was nice knowing you

Goodbye

And here I thought you were a cool girl

We were getting along

I joke around and you take it to heart

I don’t care if you party or go out. I’m not the jealous type or possessive

Either way I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

And please don’t contact me ever again.

I felt bad after reading his texts. For a while I questioned whether I had made a mistake. But I didn’t believe him for one second when he said that he was “joking” about the party girl stuff. He texted me again around 5 pm, saying “And here I thought we would have had a future.” I almost responded, because I felt like maybe I owed him some type of explanation. But I didn’t, because I couldn’t really see what good could come from it. Besides, he’ll find out when he reads this blog post.

And there you have it folks. Another one for the books.

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About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dating, Personal, Relationships and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

8 Responses to Bye bye, New Guy

  1. Jeni Johnson says:

    Wow! I agree with you just by reading your post that he was moving way to fast, eventually he would of been more controlling and you were smart to end things, now! Please be careful hon, letting people know where you live and about your blog too soon! Only because you never know who you’ll tick off enough that they may hurt you. Believe my when I say I have a bit of a 6th sense (car accident, pregnancy, Grandmothers deaths and a bunch of other predictions) and if you don’t separate your blogs from letting the guys you are dating, I’m getting a bad feeling something bad will happen. It takes weeks for someone to really show their true personalitie, especially those that are manipulative in that way. Here was my last prediction!!!! Please read it if you havent allready. http://jentendesigns.net/2012/05/25/ill-see-your-c7/

    • I can’t totally blame him, because in the beginning I was definitely into it.

      I try to think that even though they don’t go anywhere, at least I’m learning something from each of these dating experiences. And in this case I DEFINITELY learned that I do not need to tell a guy about my blog right away. Eek, in this case I’m definitely hoping your bad feeling doesn’t come true! But it won’t, because I am definitely going to me more protective of my personal info from here on out.

      I hadn’t read the details of your accident! I’m glad that you and hubby made it out alive and are doing (relatively) okay. xoxo

      • Jeni Johnson says:

        Thank you so much for not taking offences, I’m not having 6th sense feelings now that your feeling the way you do. I’m totally not crazy just a blogger friend whose intuition had to be shared. 🙂

  2. asianbadass says:

    I’m sorry it didn’t work out. It’s a rough call to make. I think it just comes down to having two different perspectives on how to proceed that’s all. People always forget that just cause two people are headed towards the same goal, it doesn’t mean that you both want to get there at the same pace. The obstacles aren’t the same. I think you may have both gotten there eventually. But before that he may have asked more than you were willing to give.

    Like you said though…you’ve only been on three dates. I’m not sure that warrants what he said. The final 12 texts seems to indicate a lot in terms of his expectations. It’s very possible that he’s the type to go all in and holds nothing back. But for me those first dates until you’re really established as a real couple are crucial and you always need your A Game. A little patience and some breathing room is all a girl wants sometimes. The phrase “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” didn’t just spring out of nowhere.

    I hope good things are waiting for you real soon. But each time is a learning experience!
    – AB

  3. Tony Bird says:

    I’m sorry to hear it didn’t work out. He sounds jealous and possessive, and he was already trying to change you into what he wanted rather than appreciating you for the way you are. I’m sure it was difficult, but it really sounds like you made the right choice here.

  4. Seb says:

    Just for future reference,t he warning sign was on date 2, when he told about the past relationships and how they ended. That’s always a pretty sure indicator the guy will be clingy. Ah well – you gave it a s hot!

  5. It seems a pity, when you were getting along so well. Sometimes people get intense when they shouldn’t – I’ve done that. Still, it’s a sign that they maybe have more learning to do.

  6. Ross Ramsey says:

    Wow. I was just perusing your blog and this post had all the makings of some sort of Felicity episode. (My sister watched it, not me :P) Sorry things didnt work out for you guys. It was a red flag as soon as he started calling you “babe”.

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