Dating update

I was going to be funny and post a blank page as my dating update, since I’ve got absolutely nothing going on in the guy department, but then I realized that I never posted about what happened with Rufus.

We had gone out on a Thursday night. At the end of our date there was a very awkward kiss. Why was it awkward? Well. We were standing by my car, having the generic “I had a good time” conversation. Even though I wasn’t sure if I was actually interested in seeing him again, I was still open to kissing him goodnight. To see if there was chemistry and whatnot.

So we’re hugging goodbye, and instead of pulling away right away I lingered for a second or two. (That’s one of my moves by the way – “the linger.” I’m also really good at “the eyefuck” – but only when I’m drunk.) Then he pulled away and stepped back. We maintained eye contact for a few seconds without saying anything, and then he stepped back towards me. He leaned over to kiss me and then, when his face was literally an inch from my face, he stopped and said “Is it okay if I kiss you?”

Lol talk about a mood killer! It totally threw me off kilter. I was like “Huh?” Then I laughed and said “I mean, the fact that you’re standing this close to me and I haven’t pushed you away is generally an indication that you’re good to go.” He laughed, but now my body language was such that even though we were still standing really close, my upper body was kind of pulling away from him. So I guess he wasn’t sure what to do. He laughed and said “Hmm, could I possibly make this any more awkward?” Which made me laugh, which made me relax, which gave him the opening to move in for the kiss.

It was SUCH a non-sexual kiss. I just wasn’t into it at all. It lasted all of 10 seconds, then I pulled away.

Despite the shitty kiss and all of the other things he did on our date that bothered me, I think I would have gone out with him again anyway, because he seemed like a nice guy, he was cute, and all the things that annoyed me could have just been because he was nervous. I’ve said before that if there’s no spark on the first date then I shouldn’t waste my time on a second date, but he seemed worthy of giving it a second chance.

But all my debating the next day about whether I should see him again was moot, because I didn’t hear from again until A WEEK later! When Monday rolled around and I still hadn’t heard from him I was actually relieved. Which is a pretty good indicator that I wasn’t interested. But then on Wednesday night/Thursday morning, he texted me the following:

Him: What’s up gawjus?

When I woke up I was like “Did this motherf*cker really send me a text at 3 in the morning?” Whether or not it was his intention, I was not going to respond to a text that was sent at booty call time. I was flying to Seattle that day, so I didn’t give it – or him – any more thought.

On Monday he texted me again, this time at 11:30 in the morning:

Him: I am not sure if you stored me, so in case you are wondering, this is Rufus. We had the date the other night. Shared an ostrich burger. I’ve been super busy at work (plus power and water issues simultaneously) and birthdays plus two weddings, but been thinking about you. Hope to chat soon…unless you’ve decided I’m definitely not your type, in which case just say so and I won’t bug you 😉

That was the day I came back from Seattle, and I was so tired from the flight that I spent the whole day sleeping.

On Tuesday around 3pm he sent me the following text:

Him: Hi, hope you’re enjoying your day. Text me later if you want to chat.

On Wednesday night he sent me the following:

Him: You around tonight?

To be honest, I thought it was a weird that he kept texting me despite the fact that I hadn’t replied at all. The way I see it, normal people don’t like to be rejected, so after the first or at most the second text, most normal people would take that as a cue to back off. So the fact that he kept texting me made me think something was a little “off” with him.

On Thursday at lunch with my girls I was telling them about his texts, and they convinced me to do the nice thing and tell me I wasn’t interested. So I sent him the following:

Me: Hi Rufus. It was nice meeting you but I’m just not interested. Wish you well.

His response:

Him: Okay. I had a feeling since you hadn’t texted me for so long. I apologize for my persistence, but I really liked you. Sucks that we didn’t make a connection, but I wish you all the best and hope you find exactly what you’re looking for. I’m going to be hanging up my quiver sometime next week probably. Giving this site til the end of the month.

I felt a little bad after reading his response, even though I thought his response was way too long and like he was trying to draw me into a conversation. I considered responding, but my friends said I didn’t have to, so I didn’t. And that was the end of it.

I know my critics will say that I should have responded sooner and then it would have been done. Whatever. There was no way I was replying to his booty-call-time text. I might have considered responding after his second text, but he sent me the third and fourth texts so quickly that it set off my “crazy radar” and I just wanted to avoid the whole thing.


About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
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17 Responses to Dating update

  1. Katie says:

    Any guy that writes you multiple text messages longer than a sentence when you haven’t even responded is definitely a little crazy! Plus I wouldn’t trust any guy whose name is Rufus (unless of course you’ve changed his name).

  2. Jeni Johnson says:

    Yes, he did text a lot but he was also pursuing you because he really did like you. He also took it very well when you were straightforward with him. Way to take the high road Rufus. BTW- that name sucks!

  3. Tony Bird says:

    Too bad. It sounds like he’s just socially awkward. But I’m sure you can do better.

    On a different note, I’m about to spend a night in Seattle. Anything worth doing there on a week night?

    • Hm. Well, I guess I’d recommend doing what I did on my second day there: Pike’s market and then the Ferris Wheel. That should be enough to give you a good feel for the city, I think, plus the Ferris Wheel has amazing views. And then of course dinner and a bar. Capitol Hill seems to be a good area for nightlife, but I don’t know what it’s like during the week.

      • Tony Bird says:

        I ended up getting into town and situated in my hotel too late to get out. On the up side, my hotel bar had a great scotch selection, and I had a good time making friends with people I’ll never see again.

  4. MayDay says:

    That is way too many texts to be sending when he’s not getting a response. No one should be trying THAT hard after 1 slightly awkward date.

  5. Seb says:

    Yeah. The run on clauses in the final text suggest he would have been uber needy. Good dodge!

  6. Ross Ramsey says:

    The second you got a text saying “What’s up gawjus?”, shouldve been a red flag.
    What’s up gawjus? = Lame

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