Real Talk: Paying the price for eating too many cashews

WARNING: This post is kinda gross. It might even be worse than when I posted the picture of my bloody toe with the bits of napkin stuck to it. Just giving you a heads up.

—————–

Do you know what happens when you eat too many cashews?? Well, I didn’t either, so it freaked me the F out when I looked in the toilet bowl this morning and saw…oily poop.

Yes, oily poop. Until today I didn’t even know such a thing was possible.

Here’s the story:

I didn’t want to give in to my carb cravings, so on both Wednesday and Thursday night I decided to snack on some cashews. But of course I overdid it, because mentally I’ve been back in fat girl mode these past few days and I just want to keep eating, and cashews are soooo yummy! I ate well over a cup of cashews each night. Which is a lot of freaking cashews. I also sprinkled them on the huge arugula salad that I had for dinner on Thursday night.

On Friday around noon, I was feeling kind of gassy and my stomach was hurting a bit. I hadn’t pooped since Wednesday, so I figured I’d feel better once I did. And I was right, once I went to the bathroom I did feel better. But…and this is kind of gross…when I was wiping I noticed my poop was green! I didn’t worry about it though. I just figured that it was a byproduct of the arugula salad. Kind of interesting, actually, when you start to think about how the body works.

At around 5:45pm I had to go to the bathroom again. When I pulled down my underwear… I hope you’re still with me, reader, and that you’ll stay with me after reading this…it looked like I’d had an accident. I was in shock. I’ve never actually shit my pants before, but my underwear were dirty and I knew I didn’t have my period, so there was only one thing it could be. I don’t know, maybe I farted too hard or something?

By some miracle I happened to have a clean pair of underpants in my bag. It’s crazy, when I think about it: On Tuesday night I accidentally put the underwear that I had laid out for the next day in my bag with my gym clothes. I didn’t even notice them at the bottom of my bag until Friday morning at work. How freaking lucky was I that they were there?? I mean, when the hell do I ever just so happen to have a clean pair of underpants in my bag?? And to have them on a day when I so desperately needed them?? Maybe there is a God after all.

Fast forward to this morning. After a late night of drinking, I woke up around 9 and immediately had to poop. I don’t normally look in the bowl before I flush, but between the green poop and the pants-shitting incident I figured that this just might be a good time for me to start paying attention to what was happening back there.

My first thought was “What. The. Fuck.” In addition to the poo (which was back to its normal color), it looked like someone had poured a cup of dark oil in the bowl. Never in my life have I seen anything like it! I was scared shitless (hahaha, pun intended).

I immediately turned to google. Seriously, I am sooo happy that I am living in the age of modern technology and that the answer to any question is right at my fingertips. After spending the next hour or so reading a bunch of bulletin boards and articles on the topic, I realized that the oily poop was a result of not being able to digest the fat from all those cashews I’d eaten a few days earlier.

I also learned, from reading other people’s anecdotes, that I did NOT, in fact, shit my pants. Nope, it was just oil seeping out of my ass. No big deal.

Kidding! Of course it was a huge deal. But now it seems to be over. We’ll see what happens the next time I go to the bathroom though. Stay tuned!

Advertisements

About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Dieting, Food, Health, Life, Personal and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

33 Responses to Real Talk: Paying the price for eating too many cashews

  1. The Mouse says:

    Thank you for sharing, even though it was WTMI (way too much!) ๐Ÿ™‚

  2. Dave says:

    lol, thanks for the article, i was in a shock aswell when finding myself staring into the toilet and finding “orange oil” on the water surface.. but thanks to Google and your article i’m feeling a lot better now since i know i haven’t been eating anything strange besides too many cashews yesterday

  3. Ashley says:

    AhH! Your post just ended my google search. It makes so much sense… What a disgusting thing that’s happening to my body… I can’t believe it’s because oil is seeping out my ass. hahahaha

  4. tina says:

    How did you get rid of it or how did you stop it?

  5. Miranda says:

    …this scares me because I’ve been eating absurd, and I mean ABSURD amounts of cashews the past few days.

  6. Molly says:

    Oh my gosh thank you so much for sharing. I was so embarrassed, that I didn’t want to talk to anyone about it, but your story was the only thing that actually help me figure out what the heck was happening.

  7. Ann says:

    Same here. Thanks so much. That’s just what I had been eating and it made no sense…until now.

  8. Li says:

    hahaha…oh my goodness you are so funny!! I love your article. I read it at work and was literally LOL. I just finished eating about 150 g of cashews and was wondering if there would be any reprecussions for my inner fat girl actions. Guess i’ll wait to find out…..

  9. ARC says:

    I just recently went to the restroom and once done, I immediately started a frantic google search! This makes sense because I did eat entirely too many cashews yesterday…. so embarrassing but glad its not something worse!

  10. Macho Man says:

    Oh crap! I I’ve about 1.3KG of salted cashews in front of me! Yes 1300 freakin’ grams! I’ve eaten way too many, about 230grams! Let’s see whats happen.

  11. Martin says:

    omg that’s about what I’ve ate..

  12. I think you just about summed this up the best it could be summed up.
    The detail was necessary for those who may have not had it happen.
    And just like you found posts on this. Thank God I found yours lol.
    I don’t want to ever eat another cashew after the overindulgence I had.
    Ick.
    Cheers.

  13. Sighmin says:

    wow ,what I’ve learned here is that even documenting the most smallest of things[it won’t feel that small to the suffer,lol] that how helpful and insightful things can be,i guess this is why we should all in our own communities take the time and write down what we’re doing in our daily lives where you might think at the time its boring but will in fact be a fantastic resource for future generations ,sorry for getting a bit deep there and I’m sooooooo happy my problem was I just ate a shit load of nuts hahahaha,cheers Simon , New Zealand ,clearly a world wide issue,lol

  14. Zj says:

    This cracked me up! My husband wanted to stay home from work because he ate too many cashews last night and is suffering the consequences. I was wondering if he was just a weird duck or if this really happens to other people too so that’s how I came by your blog. Thanks for the laugh!

  15. sylus says:

    thank you for posting this! because i was ready to go to the hospital it freaked me out so much. but this helped alot.

  16. Shaff says:

    *loooong relived sigh*
    For a moment I thought I had pancreatic cancer. Yes, google search can get scary.
    Your post here made my day, well, my night.. I guess.
    I was freaking out a moment ago when I stumbled on this. I HAD been eating way too many cashews for the past week now.
    It’s hard, but I’ll stop! I am diabetic so I was secretly turning to cashew for comfort since it’s not “carbs”.. But yeah, I guess it’s not that safe for me after all.
    I don’t want to shit myself, u know. I still value my reputation.. Lol
    Sorry for the long comment… I tend to get blabbery and sarcastic whenever am nervous or over relived … So…
    Yeah, I’ll stop now.
    Thanks again! Already love u!

    Sh.

  17. Kris says:

    Oh my god, this was too funny. I’m sorry, it’s actually happening to me too because of those damn cashews! They’re too delicious. I couldn’t stop laughing at this.

  18. made4u2wonder says:

    Whole almonds can cause this too. In my case lightly toasted blanched slivered almonds every day for breakfast with raisins. I wish i could get information on why this happens. I ran to the doctor got a vlood test for every thing known to man. All were normal. I don’t eat any grains, no bad carbs. I only eat fruit, veggies, meat, seafood, eggs, dairy (usually goat dairy), and almonds. I have eaten this way for a few years except when i fall off wagon. Only recently did the almonds start causing oily poo. I stopped and the oily poo stopped. I started the almonds back up and the oily poo came right back. Thanks for your post.

  19. Jenny says:

    This JUST happened to me! Same exact thing! Thanks for posting!

  20. Brandy says:

    I’m so glad I read this, lol. My 3 year old stole 1/4 of a bag of cashews the other day from me and went to town, and she’s her oily poop for 2 days now! Now I’m not as worried about it. Hopefully it passes soon, without ruining too many more pair of underwear. ๐Ÿ™‚

  21. mkrantz says:

    Omg. I know this is old, but I’m so glad I found this. I’ve been freaking out about the oil stuff for a couple of days now and thought I was going to have to see a Dr. But I too have been addicted to cashews and over indulged myself this last week.. Instead of only eating one can. I ate two! Holy hell am I dumb. Lol. Thank you for posting though. Now I can stop freaking out.

  22. Rashelle says:

    Thank you so much, you just made my day. I was ready to go to the er. I had some many cashews today. I guess I will not be eating those anymore and just snack on raw cucumbers (they contain all the nutrients). I had spent hours trying to figure out what my problem was on google, again thank you for your descriptive post. It was very helpful.

  23. Thomas says:

    Thank you for sharing this experience. My 3 year old started having this happen and the pediatrician was talking some really scary stuff. We stopped letting her eat cashews and it went away. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

  24. sue says:

    hahahahaha thank you for your article. i have had yellow poop and running to the loo at the time since eating a HUGE bag of cashews 2 nights ago, i haven’t noticed any oil though.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s