Today is my 11th wedding anniversary. Not “today would have been my anniversary,” but today IS my anniversary – because for some crazy reason I am still married! At the beginning of the year I was positive that 2012 would be “my year” – the year I finally got divorced. But it didn’t happen. I am still tied to my ex because of money and property issues that are *this close* to being sorted out (I’ve been saying that for at least 2 years now!). It’s been almost four years since we decided to get divorced. FOUR YEARS!! That seems like a lifetime in itself!
We decided to get divorced four years ago. I moved out of our house nine months later, first staying with my dad and then with my mom. A year after that I moved into my own apartment. That was the best feeling ever. I would come home after work, make myself dinner and just revel in the fact that I was alone. Any mess that was made in the apartment was MINE. There was no dried toothpaste on the bathroom sink, no dishes in the sink, no dirty clothes on the floor (now all three of those things are there occasionally, but it’s my mess so I don’t care!).
Now it’s two years later. The fact that I’m still technically married doesn’t affect me at all on a day-to-day basis. Mentally I am so disconnected from that life and that relationship that it’s like it was a dream – or a nightmare, depending on which part I’m thinking about!
Kidding. I am so far removed from that situation that I don’t look at it as a nightmare at all. I also don’t look at it like I completely wasted my 20s, which is what I used to think. Nowadays I just look back on the good times we shared and think about all the ways I grew while I was in that relationship.
I’m sure the reason I feel so positive about it is because my ex and I get along ridiculously well these days. In fact, we get along so well that on several occasions he has called me “the best ex-wife ever.” Sure, there are days when I want to kill him because he forgot to pay a parking ticket and the car gets towed and I have to deal it, but overall things are good between us. The anger and bitterness is long gone. Just because we didn’t work in a relationship doesn’t mean we can’t be friends, you know?
But still, I am really looking forward to the day when we are legally divorced. I don’t think that I’ll truly be able to plan for the next chapter of my life, whatever it is, until all the bits and pieces from my previous life are wrapped up.
So yeah, it may not have happened in 2012, but at least I have something to look forward to in 2013!