Talking about divorce

Summer is over. I can’t say I’m mad about it. I’ve never wanted time to hurry up the way I do now. I’m just waiting patiently for May to get here. I wish I could hibernate for the next few months, just so the time would pass quicker.

It’s not like I’m sad about it or anything. I’m just really anxious and excited to move and start my life with Dave. But as a result, everything I’m doing up here in the meantime seems kind of…lackluster and blah.

But a lot still has to happen between now and then, the main thing being I NEED TO GET A DIVORCE! I’ve been separated for almost FIVE years now. That’s longer than a lot of relationships. We’ve been waiting to get divorced because we have properties and there’s some bank stuff that still needs to happen. We have these houses that we built, and we’ve been waiting to turn our construction loan into a mortgage. We didn’t want the bank to know that we’re separated, just in case it somehow affected their decision to refinance.

But now, FINALLY, we have a date with the bank for the closing. September 10, next Tuesday. Once that’s done (and we pay back some money that we owe to various people and entities), there’s no reason why we can’t immediately file for divorce.

I’m kinda nervous about it, actually. Not the divorce, but the conversation that I’m going to have to have with my ex when we talk about how we’re going to split up the properties.

Originally, 5 years ago, we had decided that he was going to buy me out for like $75,000. But a lot has happened since then. I’ve put ALL my money into these houses, and I carried him along while he did the construction. I don’t think he could have done it without me, but even if he could have, he didn’t. So it would be kind of ridiculous for me to take $75,000 and let him have the properties, which are valued at around $1.5 million. The mortgage will be about a million, meaning the equity is about $500,000. So in that scenario, $75,000 is nothing.

Right now there are two options:

1 – We get divorced but continue jointly owning the properties, say 55/45 (I always felt he deserves a little more, because he actually DID all the work. I might be willing to go 60/40). He wouldn’t have to buy me out, which would be good for him because he wouldn’t have to come up with a large chunk of cash for me. And then maybe in 5 years, when the value of the properties goes up, he could buy me out.

I don’t like this option because it means I’ll still be tied to him for however many years, and I really would like a clean break. But I think it’s the best option for me financially. Also, it would be nice if, after all the shit I went through to get to this point, I was a property owner.

2 – The other is him buying me out now, for around $250,000. I like this because I’ll be done with him, and I’ll have a large chunk of money to do whatever I want – most likely, buy a place when I move to New Orleans. But I wouldn’t want to do that right away, obviously not unless (until) Dave and I get married, and if I took the cash now then I might have to pay taxes on it since I’m not rolling it over into another property.

Sigh…there’s so much for me to consider. It hurts my brain just thinking about it.

Regardless of HOW he decides to pay me off, it’s still going to be for more than he thought. Although I can’t imagine that he would actually think he’d be able to pay me only $75,000 and walk away owning two houses.

Not that he thinks that. I have no idea what he’s thinking, although I’m pretty sure he’s still thinking it’s going to be a low figure. We were talking about it today, actually (which is why it’s on my mind and why I’m blogging about it). He’s about to be a 30% owner of this restaurant he did a lot of work on, and he called me today to tell me that he was going to put 5% of the 30% in my name. So for any business distribution of, say, $1,000, I’d get $50 of that. And if anything were to happen to him, the rest would go in my name as well.

It did come with one stipulation though: if anything ever happened to him, I would have to take his dogs and make sure they’re looked after – either keep them or find them good homes.

At first I was pleasantly surprised. He had told me about the restaurant, but I never thought about owning a piece of it. Why would I? Then I got suspicious: why is he being so nice? Maybe because he knows that legally I could take half if I wanted to?

Then he said something about giving me money for a downpayment for an apartment, and that between that and the 5% of the restaurant, I would be living very comfortably. (We had talked about me buying an apartment when everything was finished, so it’s not like he said that out of the blue.) But unless he’s talking about a 99.9% downpayment, how would that be fair?

We’ve had a really good relationship ever since we decided to get divorced, and I really don’t think he’d try to screw me over. But people get funny when money is involved. On the positive side, I know that he wants to get a quick, uncontested divorce, so hopefully he will do the right thing and we’ll be able to come to a fair agreement.

Fingers crossed!

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About notchangingmyname

I'm a thirty-something, about-to-be-divorced, former blogger trying to navigate single life.
This entry was posted in Blog, Divorce, Life, Love, Personal, Relationships, Writing and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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